My Story

In 2007 I was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility".    In 2008 my marriage ended.     For a decade I was in a state of emotional unrest, I  felt betrayed by my own body, my friends and my family.  No one could comfort me. I found myself jealous of my loved ones. I was bitter and angry.  So often I would be told by someone attempting to comfort me that GOD had a reason for this. That statement hurt more than my infertility.     I began to question my faith.    So many people conceive with no thought or effort. They give away or abandon their own children, But GOD felt they were more fit to create life than me.  If that is true, then what does GOD think of me? I can't imagine that there is even a place in heaven for someone not worthy in His eyes to bear children. A painful pill to swallow.

 

The Dream

What every girl dreams of.....

 

When I was in high school,  I was so eager to graduate.  I couldn't wait to enter the "business world".  I loved everything about being a professional business woman.    I even remember discussing with my best friend, Lashonda  that I would eventually have kids but I definitely would focus on my career first.  

 I always wanted children but had planned to have them later in life.  I  wanted the white picket fence dream with 2.3 children, just on my own time-frame, and of course after I met "Mr. Right".

 

The Nightmare

 

In my early 30's I got married after a seven year dating relationship.  We both were eager to have children so we started "trying" immediately.   Very quickly my dreams became my  nightmare.   Within 3 years my marriage was over and I had to face the fact that I would not ever bear children.   I was devastated.   I thought my life was over and I had very little desire to live.   I was not suicidal but just had no desire to interact in a world that seemed to be full of happiness.

 

Dec
2019

The Reality 

I managed to survive a decade of darkness.   As I reflect back I realize that I have so much to be thankful for.   I do have a wonderful and rewarding career.   I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my nieces and nephews.   Once I repaired my relationship with God I became aware of my purpose and started teaching Sunday School.   

I now know and love the fact that God had a special purpose in my life.  My infertility was not "a prison sentence" and it definitely wasn't because I was bad or unworthy of having my own children.    God simply had different plans for me.  

I am now engaged.   My fiance has two sons.   I am looking forward to stepmotherhood.    I am blessed to have them in my life and thankful to their biological mothers who are willing to share their children.  

 

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